Syms Men’s Suits

This is an ad that I came across on the internet at some point (I no longer remember where).  It’s for Syms, which is a men’s suit store.

This ad makes it very clear that this guy is a total douche.  He’s rude, treats his date condescendingly, seems to go out of his way to insult her and doesn’t even have enough respect for her to have figured out her name by the end of the evening.  And yet the marketers who made this posit that because he’s wearing the right suit, she’ll invite him up to her apartment for drinks and (implicitly) sex or something along those lines.

Right.  Because women are so stupid, shallow, and desperate that they’ll sleep with a guy who has literally just spent a couple of hours treating them like they’re worthless just because he’s in a nice suit?  Seriously?

I’m insulted enough that even if I were to see a good ad campaign from this company, I still don’t think I’d ever patronize one of their stores.  This is exactly the kind of ad that really pisses me off.  Just because a guy cleans up nicely doesn’t mean I’ll sleep with him even if he treats me like dirt!  It doesn’t work that way!  And the women who do have standards that low, aren’t the kind to point out to the guy what a douche he is before inviting him up!

I’m sorry, but the marketers who made this one need a swift kick to the head and some better training in being humans.

Estee Lauder Sensuous Perfume

This is an ad from a women’s magazine for Estee Lauder Sensuous, a perfume.  And yes, it really is a ten page magazine ad.

The text reads:

Every woman in sensuous.

Every woman is irresistible.

Every woman is confident.

Every woman is surprising.

Every woman is unique.

Introducing Estee Lauder Sensuous

Every woman wears it her way.

This is clearly trying to associate itself not only with celebrity, but also with confidence and sexiness.  That’s fine and pretty normal for a perfume ad (is there a perfume that tries to sell itself on anything but sex?).  What seems odd is that while the ad text seems to be focusing on the femaleness of the women – how the very fact of being a woman makes her sexy and unique (otherwise, how would every woman be it?) – the ad images depict women in oversized men’s shirts.  This does two things.  It heteronormalizes the women and the perfume while also connecting all the qualities listed - confidence, sensuality, uniqueness, etc. – to having a male partner.  A woman is only strong and sexy when she’s got a man.

Personally, I don’t really want a perfume that says I’m only strong and sexy, or only at my strongest and sexiest, when I’ve got a guy.  My strength should be mine alone and being a woman shouldn’t make it any less mine when I don’t have a male partner.  I have a problem with perfume ads telling me that I need a guy to achieve that and that the perfume will help me attract one, and that is the implicit message here.  So, sorry, but no.

Axe: Magic Skin Comic

This is an ad for Axe Skin Contact Sensative Shower Gel that I’ve seen a couple of times in men’s magazines.

The text reads:

New!

Guy thoughts: Axe Skin Contact Sensitive Shower Gel

Guy thoughts: …my skin… …it’s somehow… …transforming!

Woman: All done? Now I’m gonna get ready…

ZZZ-ZAP! The moment of truth!

Whoosh!

Woman thoughts: His skin… …can’t stop… …touching!

Make your skin irresistible to touch

And cue laughter because this scenario is so incredibly unlikely except in the world where marketers frolic in the rainbow-dappled meadows with pink ponies all day.  And yet for some reason, many of Axe’s ad campaigns seem to hinge on the idea that if your skin or your hair is just perfect, girls will attack you (but only hot girls, because only hot girls exist in Happy Marketer Land).  And the girl isn’t just touching him because she likes how his skin feels, she’s literally compelled to touch him by some force she can’t identify.  She can’t help herself!

Movie Monday: He’s Just Not That Into You

This is a trailer for the recent movie He’s Just Not That Into You and was found on YouTube.

So here’s what I learned from this trailer:

1. The women are all insecure and operating on social principles learned in preschool (?) in the hopes of getting married, and appear to not even have considered the idea that not being married is a valid status for a meaningful relationship.  They’re pretty much all neurotic and need men to find value in themselves.

2. The men are also somewhat neurotic, but less so, and mostly find the women baffling.

3. Nobody is genuine, ever.  They’re all too busy overthinking everything to be able to honestly interact with each other.

4. And since women are apparently crazy and obsessed with marriage while men are clueless and unable to follow the clues the women give (which, admittedly, kinda suck), everybody’s confused and unhappy.

5. And the bonus lesson: Technology is bad and has made human interactions messier and more painful.

Conclusion: this movie is clearly more understanding to the guy mentality (even though the title would suggest that it’s going to be the opposite) and generally thinks everyone is crazy.

Of course, this is a movie based on a nonfiction self-help book, so of course everyone’s crazy.  If they weren’t, they wouldn’t need self-help books!  But the ad really didn’t make me care much about anyone involved, it pretty much just made me go “ya’ll are crazy” and I felt perfectly happy to go on my way without ever having any inclination to watch the movie.  And this is coming from someone who generally enjoys romantic comedies.

Liquid Trust: Questionable in All Ways

This is an ad found in a men’s magazine for Liquid Trust.

I had another ad for this same product, but I don’t have an image of it to share (it’s pretty boring anyway – a guy in a lab coat with a beaker of red liquid and a lot of text).  What that one says that I wanted to include with this image, however, is “new studies show that the human hormone Oxytocin fuels intimacy, reduces your stress in social situations and compels others to trust you.”

Now, I find this ad by itself pretty scary, but combined with that statement it’s even more creepy.  I’m sure there’s a fair amount of science behind this and the website states:

“We are strongly opposed to the use of Liquid Trust or any other thing for immoral or manipulative purposes. We truly hope that you will only use our products when you have only the best intentions in mind.”

It doesn’t feel like that statement is very genuine, though.  Now, perhaps it’s just the marketing department that’s truly putting such a creepy, controlling, manipulative spin on this product and it’s “virtues”, but since the marketing department controls the flow of information, that’s the impression the company is giving.  And while the handcuffs are a big reason for my creeped out by this ad, it’s not because I think handcuffs can’t be enjoyed by a couple that really does trust each other.  It’s just that I don’t think you can manufacture trust and I find the idea that they are selling such a snake oil product as a way to get women to submit to you willingly to be incredibly skeezy and morally repugnant.

Obviously, this ad isn’t meant for me.  Still, I feel like it’s incredibly manipulative in the same way that books like The Game are.  They promise that if you play manipulative mind games, all your most selfish dreams can come true and it’s all ok because you aren’t forcing anyone to do anything they don’t want!  It’s giving men a free pass to be manipulative and selfish and, worse, self-righteous if they don’t get what they want.  That’s not ok.

YSL La Nuit de L’Homme: Like a Drug

This ad for YSL La Nuit de L’Homme was found in a men’s magazine.

The text reads:

La Nuit de L’Homme

YvesSaintLaurent

The New Men’s Fragrance

A story of seduction, intensity and bold sensuality.

Bright, masculine freshness combines with sophistication and nonchalance for a deep, mysterious and sensual fragrance.

Apparently perfumes and colognes exist for one purpose – to exude sexuality – and this one is no different.  What weirds me out about this particular ad is that the women in it are kind of breathing in the man, as if he were exuding some intoxicating smoke.  It looks like he’s a drug that they are partaking of (and not for the first time, either).  He’s just sitting there, casually and passively, letting them huff him.  And in exchange for being their drug, he gets to feel up a weird disembodied female leg that we don’t get to see the owner of.  He doesn’t seem to have any more agency or control over the situation than the women do.  It’s a very weird and kind of creepy scene.  I get why the company would think that a scene showing a man surrounded by beautiful women would sell their cologne.  That makes perfect sense.  What seems weird to me is that the guy is so zombie-like, as if the cologne has drugged him as well.  You would think that a man who would want to be so surrounded by beautiful women would also want to be somewhat cognizant of the situation and in control of the situation, but this is quite the opposite.  They remind me of puppets or mind-controlled people.  Not really something I want a product to do to me (or imagine that a guy would want in a product).

IMVU: Dating Service?

This is a banner ad for IMVU (I don’t think it stands for anything?) that was found while browsing the internet (I think it was on a news site, but I don’t remember anymore).

Doesn’t this look like a dating service ad made with avatars from Second Life or The Sims 2?  Even the “Meet New People” tag at the bottom screams “sleazy online dating service!”  Not to mention the girl who looks kind of like maybe she’s only wearing a bra and the couple making out like they’re in the latest teen movie.  Apparently IMVU is not a dating service, though.  It’s… well… I’m not actually sure what it is.  The website claims that it’s a “3D Avatar Chat Instant Messenger and Dress-Up Game” and I’m not sure what to make of that.  It sounds like it’s sort of a virtual world-lite.  Apparently you can make an avatar and choose a setting to be in and… I don’t know what happens after that.  You chat with other avatars that are there or you play with it like it’s a virtual paper-doll or…?  See, it’s kind of confusing.  And somehow, the idea that it’s really just a dating service with avatars never goes away.  So, while I’d like to say that this ad is probably misleading, if it is, then it’s misleading in the same way that most of their website is and they have bigger problems than one banner ad that sends the wrong message!

Vintage Friday: Helping Get Back at Big Brothers!

Welcome to the very first Vintage Friday!  Every Friday I’m going to look at a vintage piece of marketing, since it’s a fun way to end the week.  This first ad is from the Dairy Council’s Milk Ad Campaign in the 1980s.

While I most remember the ads from this campaign that involved single kids standing in front of mirrors lamenting the fact that they couldn’t get dates, only to watch themselves grow into super hot teenagers and then guzzle their milk, I think this is a much stronger ad.  It’s funny (especially if you have a sibling) and it holds together better.  My favorite part of this one is how unconcerned the brother seems throughout the whole thing.  The girl is perfect, maintaining that “so there” little sister attitude even as she gets older and older, and then stalking off at the end.  As amusing as I think this milk campaign was, I generally think that their current “Got Milk?” one with famous people flashing milk mustaches is better.

Gillette Fusion: Turning Women to Cats?

This is a three part ad that was found in a men’s magazine.  The three parts appeared on consecutive right-hand pages.  The first two strips each appeared along the outside edge of the pages while the third part was a full-page ad.  The placement and images make it clear that they are meant to be taken as a unit, so they are presented here in the order they appeared in the magazine.

The text reads:

Panel 1 – Did you know body grooming can provoke unusual female reactions?  BrAun

Panel 2 – Do you have what it takes to make her purr?  BrAun

Panel 3 – top: Striking body looks (Reactions guaranteed) bottom: with Gillette Fusion Shaving Technology – Get the body look you want.  The world’s only body groomer with a powered trimmer to efficiently trim body hair and a Gillette Fusion blade for smooth, clean shaving results.  Even under the shower.  Reactions guaranteed.  (url) BrAun bodycruZer

So… the message here appears to be that if you shave your chest (with this particular razor), you will have the power to turn women into cats.  My favorite part of this one is that it says twice that reactions are guaranteed!  What does that even mean?  They can guarantee that using their razor will turn women into cats?  Seriously?  That’s some pretty amazing razor and I’m in awe that no one is studying it’s magical transmogrifying powers!  Assuming they aren’t promising that their razor can actually transform women into cat-people, what reactions are they promising?